Are you raising a rebel?
(I have noticed that there are quite a few women covering their heads at the conference, which is nice to see!)
Started off having kids sing a song, I am not sure what the point was….
- Rebellion: The rejection of authority (external and internal)
The world sees rebellion from children as normative. I.e. the “terrible twos” are normal and the continual rebellion from teens.
Learning to obey the first time is foundational to parenting. Why doesn’t this happen? We don’t require it.
We don’t train our children to obey to control them but because it is what God has commanded.
What do our kids see in our reaction to authority? Does dad complain about his boss, does mom undermine dad’s authority when he is not around? Doing so teaches our kids to rebel when the rules are not to their liking.
Passive rebellion is when kids do what they are told externally. They do what we tell them on the outside but on the inside they are still rebelling.
Rebellion is often internal. Saying no gets you in trouble, but there are subtle ways that kids can rebel. Consistent forgetfullness, violating understood but unspoken rules., etc.
Behavior modification is not the same thing as obedience. Very true and a weak spot for me. We punish the wrong external behavior but we need to deal with the rebellious heart.
The most significant thing we can do to influence kids hearts is to be a proper example. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink (but you can salt his oats!)
We must teach kids to obey the first time. Kids are trained to know when we are serious. In other words, do they obey the first time or do they wait until the parents starts counting or starts yelling.
Never give instructions more than once.
Take your kids to God’s Word to reprove them
Fixing this takes consistency. They won’t undo poor habits right away. A weed in a garden allowed to grow gets deeper roots and is hard to undo.
The world tells us not to correct kids. The Bible tells us the rod is the way to correct children who are rebelling against their parents. Spanking out of need, not out of anger. Spanking early leads to not being spanked later.
Rules without relationship breed rebellion.
Inconsistency is improper correction, kids are frustrated when they don’t know what to do. We contribute to the rebellion of our kids by being lazy and inconsistent
Also, embarrassing or putting down kids. Correction should be private. “you never obey” “you’re a bad child”. All of our words are used to either bless or curse our children. That kind of stuck me where I live.
When we are angry with our children we close their hearts and lose our influence with them. It doesn’t take much character to see the flaws in our kids.
We don’t want to punish our kids, we want to change their hearts.
(She suggests a book called Good and Angry and Freedom from the spirit of anger, Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling)
Learn from someone else’s mistake instead of making them ourselves.
Failure to train in righteousness
- Make them go back and do what’s right
- Protection from wrong influence
- Danger of peer pressure
- Encourage them to use their influence in a positive way: Rebel against what is wrong in the culture. Our kids should rebel against what is wrong around them, not against us. Rebel against what society is telling them. Make their teen years count for God.
(DVD Dr. Davis What to expect from our kids/twelve year olds? The teenage years of Jesus Christ)
Key Ingredients to avoid rebellion
1 Pray for our children (Scripture prayer with children)
2. Scripture reading with kids & character training
3. Keeping their hearts
The most important habit we can instill in our kids is daily reading of God’s Word. It is about consistent, calm not done in anger. Correct and get it over with. Other punishments lead to constant anger.
Very good seminar. I am too often satisfied with forcing obedience from my kids. What I want is wrong. I shouldn’t want their obedience, I want their heart which will leads to obedience. Forcing obedience will not give us their hearts.