If you have picked up just enough German to tell Amish kids "sit down", "sit still", "sit back", "be quiet", "too loud", "go to sleep" and "almost home", you might be an Amish driver.
If you are able to recognize Amish from out of town just by what they are wearing on their head, you might be an Amish driver.
If the first thing you do at a large gathering is check out the other 15 passenger vans to see if anyone has a nicer van than you and to silently judge those with ugly, older vans, you might be an Amish driver.
If you have ever hurt your neck by turning your head too quickly to see who is in the buggy you just passed, you might be an Amish driver.
If you are stare suspiciously when you see English you don't recognize in predominantly Amish areas, you might be an Amish driver.
If you call other non-Amish "English", you might be an Amish driver.
If know by heart which Amish families are consistently either late getting ready to leave or that are going to call you ten minutes before you are scheduled to pick them up to change the time, you might be an Amish driver.
If you refer to a 12 passenger van as a "little van", you might be an Amish driver.
If someone suggesting that you depart at 2:30 AM and drive for 8 hours while they sleep doesn't seem insane to you, you might be an Amish driver.
If you say "lane" instead of "driveway", "fast" instead of "secure", "dinner bucket" instead of "lunch box", "let a message" instead of "leave a message" you might be an Amish driver.
If you unintentionally use German words in conversation with your spouse even when no Amish are present, you might be an Amish driver.
If 95% of the contacts in your cell phone are Amish and your phone gets used more by Amish than by you, you might be an Amish driver.
If you identify people by who they are married to (i.e. "Joanie Of Chachi") because there are so many other Amish with the same name, you might be an Amish driver.
If you can go from wide awake and driving to seat back and sleeping in 30 seconds, you might be an Amish driver.
If you wave to strangers in a buggy with a single lifted finger (index, not middle) and wave to Amish you know with a slow, full wave, you might be an Amish driver.
If you have a bunch of pictures on your Kindle of Amish kids using the camera on the Kindle instead of playing "Angry Birds", you might be an Amish driver.
If you know that "Angry Birds" is like crack mixed with Ritalin to Amish kids, you might be an Amish driver.
If you have learned through painful experience to "fix your own plate" at a potluck instead of letting the Amish ladies do it while you are waiting, you might be an Amish driver.
If you have also learned that a woman wearing a plain dress and white cap doesn't automatically mean she can cook or bake, you might be an Amish driver.
If you can figure out what someone is saying as long as 50% of the words they use are English, you might be an Amish driver.
If you love what you do for a living, you might be an Amish driver.
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| A fully operational Amish Assault Vehicle |
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