Saturday, October 18, 2008

Failure and humility

Jesus said to him, "No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God." (Luke 9:62)

What is the warning here? It is a warning to those who follow Christ to keep their eyes on the work ahead of them and not look back where they came from. If you are always looking behind, your plowing will invariably become crooked. The siren call of the old man, the life that took joy in sin, is tempting but deadly. The temptation is to keep looking over our shoulders to where we came from, instead of the life we have ahead. This is something I am all too familiar with because I have been the workman who kept looking back to where he used to be and I can speak of the disastrous impact. It can be easy to sin, and sin begets sin. That sin hurts people around you, friends and family and even people you may not know but still are impacted by that sin.

Ultimately what hurts the worst is not the sin and hurt we cause others, or even the shame and self-loathing you feel towards yourself. It is the betrayal of our Lord, repaying His sacrifice with disobedience and sin. First and foremost, our sins, my sins are sins against God...

Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you may be justified in your words and blameless in your judgment. (Psalms 51:4)

It has been a hard twelve months of healing, good days and bad. He has been merciful to me, and has shown me in the forgiveness and loving of my wife what grace looks like. While I still have no lack of self-confidence, I also have in my mind every day what relying on my own strength got me and that is a place I never want to go back to.

My hope is found in the truth that I worship the same God as David, and that in His grace and mercy I pray He still has use for me. My prayer is that of David, that He may make use of me once more...

Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. Then I will teach transgressors your ways, and sinners will return to you. Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, O God of my salvation, and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness. O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth will declare your praise. (Psalms 51:9-15)

Praise God for His faithfulness towards His creatures even when they are utterly faithless towards Him.